her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
