Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
porn star boner night. come get it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
