im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
