So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
handjob tips. give me some.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
