I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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