To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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