bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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