Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
