Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I don't deserve a penis
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
