Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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