haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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