what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
