you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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