Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
