your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
