I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
