Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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