Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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