True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
