I want to make a zoo with you.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i've created a new STD.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
