Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
