I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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