i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Come on in and take your pants off
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