I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
