I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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