tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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