I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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