I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
