clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
