1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
