last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
