a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
