Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
