we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
