I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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