Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
