I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
