is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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