connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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