Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
