dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
