Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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