i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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