the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
