She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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