I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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