I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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