That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
