You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
