She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
