$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
