adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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