Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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