My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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