I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
