I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You ate ashes out of my bong
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
