Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
