Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
