WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
How's work?
Spinning.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
