i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
