Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
