he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
