I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
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oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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