I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
