it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Your cock deserves a montage
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
