Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
